A reading by Monty Python from the Holy Grail Book of Armaments Chapter XII verses 8 to 23:
“This being the Sunday of Palms, the ever-blessed St. Jennifer climbed the bank of the mighty Baptism River, sacred stick in hand, and looked out upon the holy waters. And St. Jennifer raised the sacred stick up on high saying ‘Oh Lord, bless this thy sacred stick that it mayist be released into thou holy water and float for evermore into thy Superior Sea. In this act your humble subjects celebrate spring and all of thy creation.’ And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and Gordy’s High Hat Deluxe California cheeseburgers.
“And the Lord spake, saying: ‘Each year thou shalt release a sacred stick into thy Baptism River on the Sunday of Palms. Thou sacred stick shalt be birch and birch only. Pine will not suffice. Oak is too dense. Maple is an evil wood. Thou sacred stick shalt be carried to the sea on cascades of holy water. Thou shalt not use inflatable devises. And thou hurler shall lie prostrate on the shore upon completion of this act UNLESS they are wearing sunglasses and a knit cap with stripes in the color of Easter Eggs … in which case they can just stand there and watch the stick float away.'”
And the Lord did grin.
And the people did feast.
And spring did come.
No hand grenades were needed.